Christmas Bells

Christmas Bells
Christmas Bells - Blandfordia nobilis

Monday, August 20, 2007

He stoops only for Orchids!

Dear fellow innocent Orchid enthusiasts - your natural enthusiasms for small Orchids growing on the ground might well be mis-understood.

Your humble correspondent, being from Robertson, had no idea that "The Gib", a mountain between Bowral and Mittagong, where many Ground Orchids grow, is also a hunting place for Homo eroticus var holden-uticus. In other words, it is a Gay "Beat".***

The predatory creature, sits in his "Ute", waiting for unsuspecting (or hopefully very compliant) fellows to drive up the road to the lookout places on "The Gib". There ensues a very strange mating ritual of doing "circuits" of the road, at 5km per hour, "checking out" the orchid enthusiast who is walking even more slowly along through the grass, and occasionally kneeling down on the grass, or even lying down.

I hasten to explain that this is in no way an erotic display. It is simply an Orchid enthusiast adopting the necessary postures to be able to take photographs of tiny Greenhood Orchids, which only grow about 100 mm (4 inches) high.

Chiloglottis seminuda - a tiny "Wasp Orchid"
You can see how I have to bend, knee or lie down to photograph these tiny flowers.

Who would have suspected that cold, windswept Mount Gibraltar was a "Gay Beat"? I certainly would not have done so, but it has been confirmed to me by people who know "The Gib" very well.

A word of advice to gay men, cruising "The Gib" in cars - I am sure you value your anonymity. To cruise past slowly, once, is possibly acceptable: how else do you discover if the man in the Blue Hat is "interested"? But I warn you, do not "cruise" very slowly past the man in the blue tennis hat twice, or three times, or even more, because he is certainly aware of your interest, and if he did not respond the first time, (as he never will), then just leave him alone.

You ought realise that for he is almost certainly carrying a camera, and your number plate might well end up being recorded, and published - and you do not want that, I am sure. For the record, no photographs of cars were taken last Sunday, but the same cannot be guaranteed in future.

Back off, Boys. The man in the "Blue Hat" is not interested in you - and never will be.

He stoops only for Orchids !!!

It has been pointed out to me that the term "Gay Beat" is not necessarily accurate, as many men who use such "facilities" do not identify as "Gay". I do know that to be the case. Arguably a homosexual sexual act is just that - a homosexual act. But these people argue that they are straight men, just having "opportunistic sex" (with men).
Personally I do not think that argument stands up to scrutiny, but apparently the "perception" of not being Gay is important - to these men.


Gaye from the Hunter said...

chuckle chuckle

I too have received some odd looks (I might hasten to add, though, not looks of desire - well, not that I have interpretted anyhow) when I have been down on all fours with ample backside in the air. Fungi have usually been my prey.

Mind you, I have endured the close inspection of an inquisitive brush turkey hen - those toes can be a fearsome sight when veiwed at eye-level.

From my prostrate position, I have also spied a Stephens Banded Snake just a couple of metres from me, looking rather nervous about being 'cornered' at his breakfast table (Perons Tree Frog was on the menu - although, how that snake was going to fit that monstrous frog in its mouth without the use of a knife and fork was beyond me).

More often than not, I get gentle old folk 'sneaking' up on me prodding me with their walking stick to see if I'm alive or dead - which consequently scares the bejeezus outta me and them.

(Mind you, I use the word "old" with respect and affection, for I am no spring chicken on the wrong side of 50).

And then there are other gentle old folk who, again, 'sneak' up on me and ask "are you alright, dear?" I recall with fondness, many a wonderful conversation with these folk on walking trails as I explain the delights of secret little plants and fungi hidden close to the ground.

ahhh, life's fun.


Denis Wilson said...

Hi Gaye,

The joys of doing odd things in the bush. Mostly I go out in less populated areas, it seems, and seldom get approached.

It is nice to be able to show people things which they have never noticed.

I have never come eye to toe with a Brush Turkey! Lucky you. We don't get them here. As for close encounters with snakes, I'll pass on those, if I may - at least when I am down on my hands and knees. I do see the occasional snake, when walking, but not too many.


Al said...

I am at a genuine loss to understand why you would want to take photos of the number plates of cars driven by men who are cruising you, especially when you are not interested in their interest.

I fail to see anything threatening or invasive about someone doing a circuit past you in their car in a public place. Clearly they have gotten the message you are not interested and have left you alone. They have treated you with respect, I respectfully suggest you do the same to them.

Denis Wilson said...

Hi Al
I DO NOT want to take photos of number plates, nor did I.
But can you honestly say you "fail to see anything threatening or invasive about someone doing a circuit past you in their car in a public place." I referred to two, three or more "circuits" - slow, lingering cruise-pasts.
That is NOT a casual interest.
I reserve the right to take photographs of number-plates, if I feel it is necessary to protect myself from clearly un-solicited and intrusive "observation".